The Gift of the Stranger

In the Discovering Quakerism group of which I am a part, one of the other members asked, at what point does it transition from "stranger" to "acquaintance" to "friend?"  My gut reaction to that question was that it really depends on where I am, what I am doing and my confidence in myself at the time.  I am much more likely to move from stranger to acquaintance now than I was a couple of years ago, though I am still struggling through how to do that.

But as I thought more about it, I realized that I have a definite fondness for the stranger.  The stranger has taught me a lot of lessons in my life.  Not only does the transition from stranger to friend teach me lessons, but keeping the stranger a stranger also teaches me lessons every day.

Being on a college campus means that I am constantly in contact with strangers.  Some of them I see in passing some of them I communicate with a little.  Some of them may become my friends.  But everyday at least one stranger stops to let me turn left on to Funkhauser on my bike.  Everyday at least one stranger looks up and returns my smile.  Everyday at least one stranger cuts me off, honks and tells me to get off the road, or seemingly tries to run me down.

But it isn't just at school that I encounter strangers, I encounter them every time I go out to eat, every time I check out at the grocery store, every time I have to stop and get gas.  I can't help but encounter strangers.

Some of those strangers will never pop up on my radar.  I will interact with them as much as my time or the situation allows, but it will never move past that single encounter.  And there is a gift in that.  There is a gift in the service that stranger performs.

Sometimes I encounter the stranger who offers me advice on some topic related to what I am doing at the time.  Once, I was standing in a bookstore and a stranger picked a book off the shelf, told me that I needed to read this book, one look at the blurb and I knew she was right.  Turned out the book was fantastic.  The gift of this stranger wasn't only the book, but it offered me a lesson in learning to listen to the call of Spirit/God/Divine where ever it might appear.  Sometimes they do have good things to offer above and beyond service. 

Once a stranger told me that I didn't belong at the Babies R Us because clearly as a teen I was only "window" shopping for the life my child couldn't ever have.  I smiled and told her that perhaps she should check her facts before she opened her mouth in the future.  Not only was I not a "teen," I had a job, a house, and very little debt and savings.  This stranger taught me that responding with truth rather than anger or hositility is much better at shutting someone up.  She had nothing left to say, she had made a stupid assumption based on my appearance and decided in her own hostility that she needed to say something about it.  I seriously doubt that she started checking her facts, but that wasn't really my goal.  Pointing out that I was in fact, not what she assumed was a gift to me because it allowed me a chance to own myself.  She gave me the gift of a moment of confidence.

The strangers who return my smile give me the gift of realization that even if we are all caught up in our own little worlds, we can all take a moment to show kindness.

The stranger who honks his horn or yells out the window gives me a chance to disarm the frustration with a smile and a wave or to incite the anger with a gesture of my own.  A lesson in choice.

The stranger who stops to let me cross gives me a glimpse of the "giving" nature that people sometimes claim is lost.

For awhile, I am going to be on the watch for the gift of each stranger that crosses my path because I think they are there for a reason.  There is a gift to be received from each one.