The gift of the Quaker Community

I had started out yesterday thinking about who I should be thankful for.  I have lots of people on the list, but a sort of order to them, and I was a little lost about who to do yesterday.  I had actually started the morning planning on skipping church to go for a walk with the deceptively shallow friend to appease her from the fact that I had bailed yet again on her request to hot tub (it would be different if she were inviting me to her house, but I have a problem with people who invite themselves over), anyway as per usual, she bailed on me, so I went to church.

As I was listening to the silence as well as the messages I started contemplating on the way to build a community.  What I realized was that I had one that was making me feel welcome at every turn, and all I had to do was make that final leap into connection.  I am the reason I haven't fully committed to the Quaker Community.

Yesterday in particular several messages (both during the service and after hit home) and for those I am thankful.

• During the service, the first message of the day was one I had struggled with putting words to for a long time.  I have told people that the only way to find happiness is to look with in, that you cannot depend on others for happiness, but in all honesty, it isn't happiness that people seek from others, it is their light.  M's message was that she had to tell her daughter, "I cannot find your light in the darkness, that is your job.  I can however share some of my light with you while you search."  This message sent chills down my spine and through my body because she so aptly spoke the words I had been trying to find for my own inner peace and well being.
• During the service another message was about the nature of love and community and trust, and seeing the miracles in the mundane.  That too is something I am working toward.
• After the service, I was speaking to one of the women and we started up a really nice conversation that could have really gone to some interesting places had we had time.  And she made it a point to let me know that she was interested in talking about it more.
• Another woman asked when my family was going to join me, not out of judgment but because she thought that they must be as interesting as I (her words) and she would love to meet them.

I am not sure what other indications I need that this is a good spiritual community for me to join.  I suppose I am waiting for that other shoe to drop and them to identify me as that girl that doesn't conform to our spiritual standards.  I suppose that is my biggest fear, that I will feel outcast from yet another spiritual group because I am just not "normal."  Though every indicator I have says that this is not going to be the case.

So yesterday I gave thanks to the Quaker Community.  In the short (several month) period of time that i have returned to your fold, you have made me feel welcome.  You have opened your doors and your messages to me and I have appreciated every one.

Thank you for the gift of a place to find calm and quiet, a place for centering.  Thank you for giving me the gift of having a voice when the spirit moves.  One day I will find the courage to sing the messages that sometimes come in the form of song.

Thank you for so many offerings of an identification of "home" in the spiritual sense.

Thank you for the support that I am not sure you even recognize that you give.

Thank you for giving me the space I need to figure out my mind and my heart on the matter of membership.

And thank you for being a place that I know is there when I am ready to swim to the deep end.