I was so sure that I was paying attention, listening deeply and following the path designed for me by God when I chose ISIS. It was a painful thing to have happen, the separation of our class. Yet, I have never really questioned my choice to attend ISIS.
This weekend was rough. I guess I had assumed that being back in class with my instructors and my classmates would be like the retreat all over again. An energetic high.
It wasn't, and I found that I was very disappointed by that. It was bothersome to walk into the room and find that it all felt murky. I no longer felt like I had come home. I no longer felt like I had found a place that was my tribe.
What does that mean?
I want a place for worship. I miss having a community to share my spirituality with. But everywhere I go, it feels like I am out of place. I feel like I just don't fit.
I won't be dishonest about my beliefs. I won't hide me in order to fit in. I think that somewhere out there is a group for me. I just haven't found them yet. I haven't figured out where I fit.
I think that perhaps my path for the moment is to learn that it is okay not to fit. I have to be comfortable being me whatever that means. Whatever that says.
I am learning. I am finding the roots.
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