Fast Days 22, 23, 24, 25, 26--So little time, so much to tell

I was basically away from the internet for 5 days.  So there is a lot to catch up on.

I know, I know, it's a travesty, but I wouldn't change anything about it really.  I discovered in this time away that at one point I had developed a near dependence on the communication I had with others through social networking sites.  I felt like I had needed them.  I discovered that I didn't.

I saw family and got to spend a lot of time visiting with my sister and my nieces.  I also got to spend some time with my nephew, and it was great fun.  We had a good time exploring the area, moving furniture and getting to play at the splash park.  I got to give my 12-year-old self a giggle and visit Intercourse, PA.  There was a lot to see and do, and we had a good time just exploring and spending time together.

Next was the trip to NYC.  This was a little more difficult for me.  It was a full weekend of class, a little time with a former classmate, but it was all centered around focus on what we were doing in that weekend.  There isn't a lot of "hanging out" time, it is a lot of preparing for and going to class and working on stuff for class time.

I am still sort of processing all the things that happened during the class time, and that is going to take some time to unpack and put in it's place.  But needless to say, I discovered a little something about myself.

Initially I had been a little disappointed that I hadn't gotten to give the sermon for the service we were to perform as a class.  I had volunteered and I had wanted it, but in the end, I think that it was for the best that E do that service.  I knew going in what needed to be organized and how difficult it was going to be to get everything done in 4 weeks with only phone calls and emails to communicate.  He didn't.  And it was a growing experience for him.  One he needed to have.  One I needed to support.  And it came off without a hitch.  The service was beautiful.

I did hit one little snag though, and that is that we were assigned to write and give our 5-minute sermon as homework Saturday night.  We had a specific "topic" on which to write.  And I did mine.  It was slammed.  What I discovered about myself in that moment, is 1...I can and will be completely transparent in my "teaching."  I will hold nothing back, even if it might be painful for others to hear.  It will offer healing.  2.  I don't preach by lecture, I preach by story.  My sermon was extremely personal, it was my story of finding my peace with myself, but it was a parable.  Much like Jesus' parables.  The lesson wasn't clearly laid out in black and white, and wasn't explained.  It was a you take from this what you need to take from this kind of thing.  That is how I teach.  It is also how I learn (spiritually) best.

I have discovered that I don't want someone else to explain the scriptures to me.  I want the scriptures to explain themselves to me.  I think in a way I want the same thing from my sermons.  I find that sermons that tell me what to do or how I feel just don't sit right.  I want to be able to decide for myself what I think and what I feel.

This type of teaching was not met well by my instructors.  They wanted the specific, the black and white.  And when it wasn't laid out for them, it didn't feel good to them.  I'm not sure what that says about them, or about me, but I will take the criticism they gave me and I will try to figure out if I can use it to keep things my way, but be a little more explicit in the outcome.  We shall see.