Praying with Punches

Sometimes, prayer comes in the most unique ways.

I am uncomfortable with prayer.  I always feel almost fake when I am asked to pray.  It feel stilted and insincere.  I think the thing that bothers me most about prayer is so often prayer is about asking the Divine for something specific, it's not about acceptance.  Prayer is a petition, prayer is about telling God like it is, prayer is about asking God for help.

But I have to do a prayer with people for my seminary class, so I asked a friend I trust, one with whom I feel safe, and asked if she had something we could pray about.  K said she did actually and we talked about it and I started working up just what I wanted to say...or at least how I wanted to say it.

But you know what they say about plans, things change.  What was supposed to be a quick thing right before TKD class was deterred because Senior Master needed some help with the class in session.  Then the miracle occurred.

For the last three weeks we have had a new couple in class.  Every once in awhile during class the female in the couple, B, will just start to cry.  This generally happens when we start punching.  She is just overwhelmed by grief.  And without judgment we just let her cry.

Yesterday's class was a particularly rough one.  She was on the edge of letting go of whatever it was she was holding back and you could feel her heart breaking.

I stuck around with K hoping to learn my weapons form and trying to catch a moment for prayer, when we looked at each other and with K doing the cheering on, and me holding the space of non-judgment we talked B into just letting go on the bag.  We told her that we had no clue how badly she was hurting, that our anger was never as deep as hers, but that we got a lot out of just going to town when it was punching season and that we would be there for her while she punched and cried and screamed and cursed if she needed to.  At first, B was hesitant.  But with each punch she let go of more and more until that primal scream released from her and the cleansing tears were released.  She yelled.  She screamed hate.  For a good 5 minutes there was nothing but release.  And in that moment, I saw prayer in action.

When the tears were subsiding, K asked her if she would let me pray for her.  So we sat, and before I started the prayer, I had K and J (Senior Master's wife and B's good friend), open themselves to the healing love of God.  I asked them to experience the love of God through their whole being and then to open their hearts and direct the healing light to B.  I asked that B not necessarily open herself to accepting the light completely, but to allow herself to be wrapped in it.

Then I prayed.  I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was generally about holding B in healing light, to let those who encounter her recognize the healing light she is being held within and offer their own light to heal her, and to let her know that all the anger she was holding could be released and that God would make it something beautiful, not something that would destroy or hurt.

I assume I touched on specifics of who she might be angry with, because after the prayer B looked a J and asked her how much she had talked to me, because I had known just the words to say.  I looked at B, and I said J told me nothing.  I just allowed myself to be open to you and to the words God needed to speak through me.

She told K and I that we didn't even know her and we were being nicer to her than any member of her family and then she told us her story.  She told us a story of loss and hurt and anger that would break even the coldest heart.  And in the end, she smiled.  For the first time in the three weeks she was coming to class, she smiled and even laughed a little.  She admitted to anger she hadn't wanted to say out loud.

And perhaps I am inflating it, but I believe that she actually felt the first step of the healing process.

I wasn't aware of it at the time, but later I recalled that our Minister's Manual from seminary talked about the three main points of good prayer with the people.  1.  Pray with people in their framework.  2.  Tune into the undercurrents.  3.  Surrender to the Divine and let whatever comes to your heart come out of your mouth.

In that moment, I did all three.  In that moment, I saw the true power of God.