Born to be "Somebody"

I am listening to a series of lectures/presentations given by Ram Dass.  The series is three different lectures given at three different times to three different audiences, so it isn't surprising that even though they are on three completely different topics they have some of the same elements, including his favorite saying that when we are born into human existence we begin our "somebody" training.  As he goes on to talk about how it should be our goal to move past the training to be "somebody" to move into the area of training to realize that we are actually "nobody," I get caught up in the idea of training to be "somebody."

Whether it is intentional, conscious or neither, we are all trained from birth to be "somebody."  We are constantly hearing the phrase, "Aww isn't she precious," or "What a beautiful baby."  While it is true that neither of those are specific to the body or even the personality of the child in hand, it seems very unlikely that those comments are reflections of people looking into the soul of the child being presented.  I think we begin at a very young age to start taking all of that in, and discover that we are supposed to be "somebody."

I suppose before I go on, I should explain what I mean by "somebody."  I have yet to meet a person who doesn't have the "should" mentality.  You know the one right?  That thing where someone beats themselves up a little because they should be doing this or that.  For example, they don't call their mom, but they feel a little guilty because they should talk to her more often. They don't want to hang out with their family at Christmas, but they do it because that is what families do right?  It isn't always in the form of prevailing insecurity, but almost everyone has that "should," stuck in their heads somewhere that makes them feel a little guilty about those things that they aren't doing.

While I can't speak for them, I know that often times when I follow the shoulds I have in place, but they don't feel true to who I am at my core, I feel a little uncomfortable in my "somebody."  The training to be "somebody," is that training we get from all the people in the world around us (generally the adults in our lives who already know who their "somebody" is) that teaches us all the shoulds. 

Some of those shoulds we will take on, some we won't.  Some feel comfortable, some don't, but whether we become "somebody" because we want to meet expectation or because we are actively going against expectation, I believe that we are all trying to be "somebody."

I have read several books, listened to many lectures and feel like the teachers who talk about enlightenment and the nature of awakening.  All the time talking about how true understanding of this concept can't come from words.  No one can explain enlightenment to you, it just happens.  You know it when you see it.  Yet, they also talk about waking up the realization that you are "nobody."  Which is ultimately to say that you are beyond your body, your personality, and the shoulds.  And as I sit here trying to take all that in, I think that just isn't the way it works.

I have had moments where I feel enlightened.  These moments where I feel like I have seen the truth of a part of the God of my understanding.  That feeling doesn't last, as the truth sets in.

It is true that I could never explain the truths I have learned in my moments of enlightenment using words.  Words are almost like "somebodies."  They have different meanings for everyone.  Plus, the truths I gain during my moments of enlightenment might not be true for someone else.

I suppose my personal opinion is, that we are born to be "somebody."  I have a purpose, there is a reason that I am living my life as this "somebody."  My spiritual self, the part of me that is directly connected to the God of my understanding, has to learn this lesson.  And I suppose that I feel that instead of needing to try to move beyond, my "somebodiness," toward "nobodiness" what I really should be doing, is figuring out why I have all these shoulds in the first place, and tossing out those things that make me uncomfortable.  (I love how in that sentence about looking into the shoulds, I had a should...)

The question in my mind, isn't how do I become "nobody?"  The question I have is, how do make the "somebody" I was born to be, fit the spiritual being that I am?

For me, that answer will come, when I finally decide to take a risk and stop waiting to win the lottery so that I don't have to worry about how to make things work out.