Fast Day 6--Free Will

For those of us raised in the Christian Tradition, free will is a problem.  If God is all-knowing, and thus knows the future, how can humans have free will?  Isn't everything decided?  Isn't everything pre-determined?  Isn't the outcome already set?

I have heard many arguments over the years about how God knows every possible outcome for every possible choice, but has chosen not to know which outcome is the one we will choose so that free will is a give.  I have heard that free will is just an illusion.  I have heard the whole discussion ignored because the paradox of free will and an all-knowing God is really just too much to handle.

My view of the nature of God has changed a lot from the time I was growing up in the Christian church.  The more I come to understand myself and the beliefs that are true to the person I think I am, I find that a God that has been anthropomorphized into what is essentially a supernatural human is  just not what I believe.

I do believe in a Divine Spirit.  I do believe in the creating of the universe.  But I believe that there isn't a God that sees.  I believe that God exists within every atom.  God functions as part of everything on the planet and that ultimately it is the job of all the atoms of the universe to come to a place of universal harmony.

To me, this means that within each of us is an internal voice, a piece of the Divine that sparks who we are.  We have the choice to listen to that voice and move toward a place where we are living in harmony with those around us, or to ignore that voice and do what is best for individual self.  Of course the outcome of each choice is pre-determined.  We are taught at a young age that there are consequences for our actions.  But it is not always clear what choices other beings will make as a result of our actions.

It is my choice to move toward a place of harmony or reside in a place of selfish contempt.  I chose to work towards harmony.  This path has offered any number of pitfalls.  When I chose the path toward harmony with the universe, I chose a path that would put me in direct opposition to everyone else in my life.

By that I don't mean that we would fight, but that I would be faced with having to really stop, think and accept or reject people based on who they are.  If I believe in the benefit of free will.  If I believe that everyone has the right to their own choices in life and if I believe that their choices are the ones that they need to make in that moment, then I can't ask another being to change to suit my needs, I have to decide to drop that person from my life or I have to choose to figure out why I feel like I need the other person to change and figure out how I can adapt to accept that person for who and what they are.

Vague, yes.  But I will give a concrete example of what I mean.  I work with this girl T.  She has suffered a lot in her life, and has chosen a certain lifestyle to hide from the real pains that plague her.  She practices avoidance and denial.  Yet, while she is practicing denial in her own life, she is also extremely vocal about what you need to do to fix your life.  This is annoying.  Yet in her are some fairly redeeming qualities.  She's funny and entertaining.  She isn't needy and doesn't demand a lot of time or attention.  While I don't want to spend many hours with her, I have found a method for handling her.  I decided that I had to set boundaries.  There are certain things that she is not allowed to discuss with me unless she decides to reflect on why these topics of conversation are so important to her.  In order to reach the point where she and I could remain friendly, we had to come to an agreement on the boundaries.  I explained to her that I wasn't going to let her beyond a certain level in my life.  She was not my soul mate, and she was not my confidant.  That she could decide if that was enough for her and if it was, great we could be friends.  If not, well that's okay.

I realized that the reason T annoyed me so much was because I was operating under the assumption that I had to like her as much as she liked me.  I didn't.  She would irritate me, not because she was necessarily irritating, but because I just couldn't like her as much as I thought I should.  When I faced that truth, and dealt with that reality, she became a lot easier to deal with.  Just because she thinks of me as her best friend (or one of them anyway) doesn't mean that I have to think of her as my best friend.  I don't have to share with her more than I am willing to share and that takes off all the pressure.  I can deal with all the little annoyances because they just aren't that annoying.  I accept who she is and allow her access to as much of me as I can without feeling uncomfortable or stressed.  I don't have to change myself to be like her.  I just have to accept me as I am, her as she is, and keep the relationship in balance based on that.  I can't make her change to meet me, and I can't change myself to meet her, but I can accept her as she is and balance our relationship accordingly.

I am finding that this works for everyone in my life.  For some it is harder for me to let go of my desire to make them meet me where I am, but I am getting better at dealing with that.

I think I got a little off topic.  But ultimately, it all relates back to free will.  We all have a choice in how we live our lives.  We are not victims of circumstance.