Around mid-January, I was feeling extremely depressed. I couldn't tell if there was something going on emotionally that I had not been dealing with, was it the weather, what was going on?
Some of it was related to steps I had taken that had pulled me away from my intensive spiritual practice. I hadn't given up on my daily devotions and practices, but I had been letting them slip. Since my spirituality is part of my life ignoring it does hurt me psychologically, but that wasn't all of it.
I started a daily log. I tracked the weather, my mood, whether I listened to music that day while I was biking, how much time I spent outside, did I do yoga...
The log pretty much indicated that I suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder. I could curb some of the effects with music and yoga, but mostly on the days that were overcast/rainy/snowy etc. I felt tired, depressed, unmotivated. Days that are sunny I was much more alert and cheerful. Though I don't think that it was only that.
I have found that I need significant time outdoors. I am happiest when I get to spend time outside. I don't have to be doing outdoor work, I can be sitting on a bench reading or writing, but I need to be outside. The more of my day that involves me on my bike all over campus, in the field, whatever, I am at my happiest.
I have found that I am far more at peace and able to find focus when I have done yoga. It can be as simple as a few moments in my office working on balancing poses or an hour of intensive yoga on a morning.
I have found that the less time I have to be around a computer the happier I am. Don't get me wrong, I love the convenience of computers and the connectedness they give, but a part of me feels like I would really like to not have the constant connectedness to things that are distracting. I don't get much out of the near constant checking of facebook that I do when I am near a computer, yet there it is...this need to keep up with absolutely everything that is going on in the lives of people I rarely speak to in real life (I do not have a problem with facebook...I have a distraction problem. If I can procrastinate, I will procrastinate).
I have also discovered that I am much less likely to be energetic and active if I have to get moving before like 8. I can get up and I can get the boys to school...I am awake before 8, but I need some time to get the engine going a warm up period. If I have time to really get warmed up I do great. 8 AM classes are not my friend.
But mostly, I realized that the weather is actually important to my sense of calm and inner peace. Here is my extremely anecdotal evidence:
Yesterday when I left for my test, I was ready to go, but biking to class was so difficult, it felt so long and I was focused on just how hard it was to go up the hills. I was making good time, but it felt like I was being really slow. I got to class and it was rough. By the time I was headed out for the site visit I was exhausted and ready to go home. I wanted nothing more to be done with the day, wrapped up in blankets and curled up with a good book. It was overcast and even at times a little snowy.
Today, I left to go to my test and I was cheerful and happy. I have a list of things to get done today and I am ready to get moving on all of them. I am only at my computer writing this out right now because I am waiting for files to transfer. It is no warmer today than it was yesterday, but it feels better somehow. The sun is shining, and I am ready to take on the world.
Yes..I think that I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Anyway, it is spring break. And while I have stuff to do for my research. I am ready for the "time" off.
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