The Unwanting Soul

Ursula LeGuin wrote a translation of the Tao Te Ching, in which she says that the unwanting soul see everything, while the wanting soul sees only what it wants.

Think about this for a minute. What does it mean?

When I read this, this morning, I was certain that I knew somewhere inside of me what that meant, but I couldn't for the life of me put my finger on it. I knew that I personally could get caught up in the tunnel vision of seeing only what I think is the solution, and in turn get frustrated because I could not see how to get there.

For example, last summer about this time, I was doing an exercise for my seminary class and I had a vision that I was to be a healer. I was tired of being an engineer and I knew that traditional medicine wasn't for me, so I looked into alternative medicine schools. I tried like crazy to figure out how to pay for one and how I could convince my family to move. I wanted desperately to follow my calling into that world. I got joe and more frustrated with the fact that I couldn't seem to follow that call.

My wanting soul, had gotten caught up in the vision that it wanted to see. I had my idea of what my vision should be, and I spent many months trying to figure out how to follow through, and how to make it work. I spent many months disappointed that I could not make it work. How could I be a healer, if I couldn't make it to school for healing.

Finally in frustration, I let it all go. I decided that if it was the will of the Divine, I would be a healer. And I let go of the need to do it right now, or even in this human lifetime. I spent a lot of energy releasing my need to control the course of my life and handed it over to God.

Now, I am going back to graduate school. Not in healing the human body, but in healing the environment. I am an engineer. We cannot survive without the planet, so here I am to help heal the wounds we have caused in trying to be the "best."

I don't know where it will go, or how it will go, but I hope to find away to get involved with plant medicine and using constructed streams and wetlands to restore some of the sacred shamanic healing arts.

I understand the need for easily accessible cheap energy sources, I know that for the time being we need coal. But we also need to think beyond our pocketbooks and what is good for me right now, and look at a future.

I don't want the children of my children to grow up in a world like today, I want them to grow up in a world that has more balance, where selfish greed isn't the way of the world. I would like to see people driven to create and construct for the good of humanity, not the good of their wallet.

Before I get on my soapbox, my realization was that when I let go of my "want," I could see a broader picture with many more solutions than the ones I thought I wanted to see.


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