I don't have to change, so why should I?

Saturday night, J and I were watching Suze Orman and talking about how she makes her decisions in her "Can I afford it?" segment.  That got us talking about our expenses and how we would fare should I lose my job.  And what about our 8-month emergency fund....

When it comes down to it, by making sacrifices and sticking only to those things that we need, we can in fact stay on track.  It wouldn't be easy because it would mean giving up some of the "wants" but it could be done.  We could live on one salary and not necessarily affect our emergency fund.  As we were talking about it, I started to wonder if we actually did break down our monthly expenses what we could find we don't really need right now.

What could we cut out of our life that we pay for and don't really use?

Well, we have to keep paying for the house, the water, the electric, the gas, the garbage.  We have to pay for car insurance.  We use the cable, the internet, the cell phone...though we could probably adjust the features on all of those things for a better deal.

One of the things we have that we kind of don't need is a land line.  Sure it is ONLY $30/month, which doesn't sound like a lot, but when you start adding it up over time, we pay $360/year for something we don't use nearly as much as we use our cell phones. 

I love our netflix account, but $8/month so that Brady and I can watch tv shows at will.  Is it worth it?  With Amazon prime we pay about the same for a year and get some benefits with amazon...though we can't use the apple mobile devices.  Still...is it worth it?

My $14/month Rhapsody account is something I am loathe to give up because I like being able to change the music on my iPhone at a whim.  I like not having to connect and sync to my record collection.  I like getting to listen to albums I don't want to buy...but...is it worth it?

My $22/month audiobook club account.  Again...convenient, but do I "need" it?  Do I have access to the audio books I get from there at my local library?  Not all of them...and it much, much cheaper to buy them through this subscription than at their normal price.  But I don't "need" it.  I can live without those books if necessary.

Individually, none of those seem all that expensive.  But add it up....

I am sure we could look through our expenses and find a ton of little things that we buy regularly that we just don't need to be buying.  I bet we could find a ton of stuff lying around that we just don't need to get.

But, we can afford it.  We don't have to worry about money right now, I have a job, we comfortably cover expenses.  So, why change it?  Why look into how much we spend on what we "need" vs. what we "want?"  Why even bother thinking about it?  We don't need to do that...right?

I look around our very spacious house and I feel almost claustrophobic.  I hear people talking about moving into 300 or 400 square foot homes and find myself wanting something similar.  How can I feel claustrophobic in my big house and feel like a smaller one would be better?  It's the "stuff."  I am surrounded by a ton of stuff, and clutter....and....

J talks about wanting a clean house with nothing on the counters, or out where it can be seen...yet more and more stuff is bought.  More and more stuff is shoved in to spaces that we don't really have.  More and more junk comes into our house....regularly.  I am just as bad about it as he is...and as our boys are...as the world around me is...but I find myself really wanting to change that.

Last year I started that process.  I really cultivated through stuff and rid myself of things I didn't think I would use again.  Perhaps this year it is about being honest with myself...and clearing out those things that I won't use ever.  Taking a look at what we have, what we store and deciding, is it worth it to hold on to it.  Could I have the space I want by doing something just a little bit differently?  Is there stuff I could clear out that we just don't need or even really want?

I think now, I am ready to clear out the stuff I keep saying, I will get to, when in reality.  I won't.  Instead of being surrounded by and panicked by all the things, the books, the "stuff" I will never get around to completing, it is time to look at each thing, decide if it is important, is it what I want?  ANd then...put it away in a way that makes me happy or...release it...let it go.

I think now, it is time to create the spaces so that they are what we as a family will use effectively and efficiently.  Not just where we throw stuff to get it out of the way.  It is, I think...time to reorganize.

Now...to pitch the idea to my family.  Decide what I really want to do with it, and go.  Maybe my first quest should be the office I work in.  I spend most of my day here...maybe it is time to make it into a space I want to work in.

Perhaps it is time to spend one Saturday making it a space that feels good to me.  Maybe it is time to break down the spaces that are "mine."  Do what I need to do with them.  Really look at what I want and what I need.  Then, after I have my space(s) the way I really want them...it will be time to start working on the other spaces.  Getting the boys, J, and the common areas into shape that works for them/us.

I am feeling a strong urge to Clean Sweep out my stuff...and my life.

I think perhaps it is time to look at everything I have, everything I want, everything I need and decide.  How do I fit it all where I want it to go.

I don't have to change, so why should I? 

Changing is rough.  It will be hard.  It will take a lot of effort and require a lot of work.  But I am starting to find myself on the path back down.  I am seeing myself returning to desperation I thought I had gotten rid of.  Acting like things have changed, while not really changing everything....while still holding on to the "junk" doesn't work.

I don't have to change, but I need to.  If for no other reason, just so that I don't feel quite so claustrophobic in my life.