Do I live my religion?

Every morning I read a quote from a famous Native American (last year was the Tao, this year the Native Americans).  I don't remember the whole thing, but the gist of it was that his people live their religion and can the white man really say that.

I look out at the world today and view it with the eyes of a cynic.  Turn on the news, read the paper and what you get is a bunch of talk about people out for personal gain, and those not out for personal gain seem to be out to destroy anyone who is.  There doesn't seem to be a lot of focus on what do "I" need.  It's seems to be a world about how can I get more.  There doesn't seem to be a lot of focus on how can I serve those that do need.  It seems to be a focus on how can I tear down those who have more.  Granted this is not everyone, nor is it accurate, it is a generalization that can be picked apart.  But these people do exist.

I am supposed to be reading a book for my seminary class about the birth of a new age of conscious awareness.  A part of me struggles against it because it is a lot of non-scientifically based new age spirituality that makes my skin crawl.  A part of me struggles against it because I "have" to read it.  But as I put aside my reservations and really get into it, I find that there are statements that really stand out to me.  Really make sense to me.  So when I read the quote this morning, I thought back to that book, which is basically saying that we as a culture are reaching a point where we have to figure out and live our spirituality.

I gave up on formal religion a long time ago.  I made a decision to follow my moral compass rather than formalized statements of what I should and shouldn't believe.   What I have found in my search for my spirituality is that when you break down the metaphysics of the major world religions, they are not all that different, and I fit very nicely in a world that is with the Divine, not with religion.  This puts me in a bit of a bind, because religion has a value.  I know that plenty can argue that, but religion is what puts you in contact with like minded people and builds a community for support, dialog and understanding.  Religion gives a formalized set of ritual that even though we may have forgotten what it really means, still connects us to God.  Religion is where people turn in times of crisis.

I gave up on religion because I found that I couldn't live within the confines that I had been given.  I feared stepping too far outside the box of Christianity because that is what was familiar, and so I haven't found a place for worship and community.  At least not one in the city where I live.

When I started my time at seminary, it was a stepping stone toward my ultimate goal of spiritual counseling.  When I chose the Interfaith Seminary it was because I needed a place that allowed me to be me.  As I have moved through the process I have really gone through struggles to dedicate myself to my path.  I have seen what is laid before me, and I am just not sure I can do what I am being asked.  I'm not sure even where to start.

Where is where I begin the question of am I living my religion?

I could spend pages and pages talking about what I believe and why I believe it.  I could argue that I don't really have a religion, so...but that is a cop out.  Let's change the question so that it fits what I am really asking.  Am I living according to the moral code that I believe in?  The answer is no.

In part I am, and I am taking steps toward figuring out how to fully invest myself into a life that lives according to my moral code, but that is impossible with the job I hold.  I understand why the coal industry does what it does, and I respect that for a lot of reasons it is a valuable line of work.  But I don't respect how it is done and I don't respect the industry as it is.  Yet I work for it because it gives me the money I need to fill my materialistic side, which I also don't really respect...my materialistic side.

I look around at politicians who claim the use of morality for being opposed to specific behaviors (opposition to homosexuality for instance), but then cheating on their wives.  Some who claim wanting what is best for the people and this country, while sending their companies to foreign countries and their money in international banks to lower costs and increase profits.  These are religious people...at least they say they are.  They aren't living the religion they claim to believe.

My sister and I don't agree on religion...or at least which is the "right" religion  :).  And while there are some touchy points between us on the subject of proper morality and the like, I have a deep respect for her and her husband who truly do live their religion.  R and M live what they preach.  In a world of people who often don't, I find that to be refreshing.  Standing up in opposition to the "norm" and being true to what you believe in is hard, and I give kudos to them for doing it.  And while I will be on a different path, I do look to her for inspiration on really dedicating myself and following through on truly living my "religion."

I don't currently live the life I want to be living.  But I think I am ready to really take the steps toward doing so.

Next step...figuring out what that means.